Imagine Dating Yourself

Welcome to the Anturas newsletter, where I share my thoughts, learnings, and failures to help you think, learn, and grow. If you enjoy it, please feel free to forward along to friends.

Quote I Loved: 

"The only real dating advice is self-improvement. The best way to meet an incredible person is to become an incredible person." - Mark Manson

Things I Am Thinking About:

Love is in the air. It's Valentine's Day week, which means it is a good time to reflect on love and relationships. During my initial conversations with potential clients I ask them to rank, in order of importance, health, wealth, relationships, and experiences. 99% of the time relationships is in the top 2. Then when we dig deeper, relationships are either called out as a thorn or a rose. While there are many kinds of relationships, the person you decide to spend your life with tops the chart as the most important.

Since this is important in my life, and my clients lives, I've done a lot of thinking on this. The first realization I've had is that it's terrifying. You're telling me I need to "choose" who to spend the rest of my life with in my 20's or 30s? That's crazy! The second realization is the only surefire way to find or improve a relationship is to focus on yourself.

When I was in college and then NYC I was outwardly focused. I was forming, at first, a fuzzy picture of who I wanted to end up with. Then as time passed and it started to become more real, that fuzzy picture started become clearer. I was still terrified, but at least had a clearer vision of what I was looking for. Then one day I had a slap in the face realization. That vision of the person I wanted to spend my life with, would not want to spend their life with me.

I imagined someone that was positive and full of energy, yet I was a ball of stress. I imagined someone who could have fun with or without money, yet I was so focused on making money. I imagined someone who loved spending time outside, yet I spent all my time in bars.

This realization hit deep. The only way to attract the person I wanted was to become the person that they wanted. I needed to change the script. I needed to focus on myself. The best part? The work never stops. I've been with Kelly for four years, and we continue to grow together. I constantly need to look in the mirror and become a better person. To become the person she will happily marry, support, and spend her life with.

Working on yourself is an incredibly underrated piece of relationship advice.

Questions I'm Asking Myself: 

Where in my relationship am I expecting more of Kel than myself? 

Favorite Photo From the Week:

We were finally blessed with snow!! After a tough start to the ski season we are back!! 

Till next week, be kind, be curious and work hard. 

Tanner